Pray that this heat subsides some, please. And that my a/c unit will come really, really, soon! I will ask the maintenance guys here to install as DH is busy working a lot. That's another thing. It is hard right now. I literally went from having his help almost constantly to having it hardly at all. I feel like a single mom, but its almost worse in a way. Why? Because when he is around, I have to "let" him be in charge, ya know? Like, I have a routine (sort of) and way I do things. When he is around and does things different, it bugs me. Just little stuff. Nothing I can even think of to mention. But I love him, and he is my knight in shining armor. Despite the fact that we fight sometimes. He is my soulmate. God has brought us together. I am happier because he can adequately provide for our family and he is happier because of this, too! Well, I must go for now. Need to do dishes, and vacuum. I don't feel right about making the kids do their chores while their sick. This may change, depending on how long this virus lasts. BTW, in case you all are wondering: the spots are little raised bumps that are reddish pinkish. They look like little zits. All the pics I could find on the internet (Google Images) show people with them in the second stage. My kids are in the first stage right now. More soon today....promise. I never intend to not post each day, I must make it more of a priority! Ok! Now procrastinating on dishes. Bye!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
It's about time!
Yeah,yeah. I know! I am in a procrastinating mood lately. Probably the heat. I want to post about my vacation. I journaled while camping at a KOA this weekend, but I don't feel like reading through it to decide what to post on here and what not to. Maybe later after I read my journal to DH. He had to work all wkend so he couldn't join us till Sun night. So, I journaled so as not to lose my cool with his parents. That is who I went camping with. Them and my kids. I feel hot and sticky. Mom and Dad are working on getting an a/c unit for us. Thanks loads! We love you for it already! Can't wait for it! The latest on us is that all 3 kids have chicken pox. Started with DD, then notice a few spots on DS#1 like about 6 of them. DD had way too many to count, mainly on her stomach and back. She has them on the back of her neck, in her armpits, and a lot along her
Pray that this heat subsides some, please. And that my a/c unit will come really, really, soon! I will ask the maintenance guys here to install as DH is busy working a lot. That's another thing. It is hard right now. I literally went from having his help almost constantly to having it hardly at all. I feel like a single mom, but its almost worse in a way. Why? Because when he is around, I have to "let" him be in charge, ya know? Like, I have a routine (sort of) and way I do things. When he is around and does things different, it bugs me. Just little stuff. Nothing I can even think of to mention. But I love him, and he is my knight in shining armor. Despite the fact that we fight sometimes. He is my soulmate. God has brought us together. I am happier because he can adequately provide for our family and he is happier because of this, too! Well, I must go for now. Need to do dishes, and vacuum. I don't feel right about making the kids do their chores while their sick. This may change, depending on how long this virus lasts. BTW, in case you all are wondering: the spots are little raised bumps that are reddish pinkish. They look like little zits. All the pics I could find on the internet (Google Images) show people with them in the second stage. My kids are in the first stage right now. More soon today....promise. I never intend to not post each day, I must make it more of a priority! Ok! Now procrastinating on dishes. Bye!
Pray that this heat subsides some, please. And that my a/c unit will come really, really, soon! I will ask the maintenance guys here to install as DH is busy working a lot. That's another thing. It is hard right now. I literally went from having his help almost constantly to having it hardly at all. I feel like a single mom, but its almost worse in a way. Why? Because when he is around, I have to "let" him be in charge, ya know? Like, I have a routine (sort of) and way I do things. When he is around and does things different, it bugs me. Just little stuff. Nothing I can even think of to mention. But I love him, and he is my knight in shining armor. Despite the fact that we fight sometimes. He is my soulmate. God has brought us together. I am happier because he can adequately provide for our family and he is happier because of this, too! Well, I must go for now. Need to do dishes, and vacuum. I don't feel right about making the kids do their chores while their sick. This may change, depending on how long this virus lasts. BTW, in case you all are wondering: the spots are little raised bumps that are reddish pinkish. They look like little zits. All the pics I could find on the internet (Google Images) show people with them in the second stage. My kids are in the first stage right now. More soon today....promise. I never intend to not post each day, I must make it more of a priority! Ok! Now procrastinating on dishes. Bye!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Go Eat Popcorn
I wanted to let everyone know (all two of you that actually read this blog! Ha! Thanks, SS and DH (smile) )that I will be starting a bible study, or more appropriately, Daily reading of the Word. I will be studying Go Eat Popcorn. My friend (momteacherfriend) is "in" a Bible reading group and they just finished the book of John. Now they are going to be reading Galatians, Ephesians and Philipians (hence the Go Eat Popcorn). I am excited about what great and wonderful things God will bring about in my life through this studying of His Word!
I was thinking just the other day that I need to physically read God's Word. At our church, since we meet in a movie theater, the scripture is on the screen. It's way too dark to try to follow along in your bible. I tried this for a few weeks when we started attending and gained a headache each time. So, I decided to just follow on the screen. But lately, my heart misses just sitting down and physically holding my Bible and reading out of it. Is that weird? In today's society, we can "hear" the Word in so many different ways, but for me, there is NO substitution for the mindset of sitting down to read my Bible.
I was thinking just the other day that I need to physically read God's Word. At our church, since we meet in a movie theater, the scripture is on the screen. It's way too dark to try to follow along in your bible. I tried this for a few weeks when we started attending and gained a headache each time. So, I decided to just follow on the screen. But lately, my heart misses just sitting down and physically holding my Bible and reading out of it. Is that weird? In today's society, we can "hear" the Word in so many different ways, but for me, there is NO substitution for the mindset of sitting down to read my Bible.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Busy
Wow! It's been over a week since my last entry! Well, I have to say that things have been very hectic around here. DH started his new job at Dish Network last week. He will be working 6 days a week most of the time. Plus, going to school full time as well. Finals are this week, and yesterday we got everything squared away for English. There will be a 2 week break between quarters (of which he will work more hours) and then school will start again. However, no English next quarter! Yes! Gives me a break. I do love to help him, but it can be very taxing at 10pm when you just want to veg! I may still be needed to type for him, though. Which is fine. DD is going to be graduating preschool at the end of this week, so that is pretty emotional. She awoke Saturday morning with a toothache. Not sure what to make of it, but later in the day it wasn't bothering her and she hasn't complained of it since. Census I took decided it was best to not encourage wiggling (it was appearing loose) and to just leave it alone. DS #1 got a toddler bed last week, so he hasn't been going to bed till he passes out about 11pm. Which is another reason for no entries. By the time I get him settled, I go straight to bed. Last night, he even climbed into the crib with DS #2 just as I got DS #2 asleep! Ugh! Well, DH got DS #1 out of there in a hurry and DS #2 went right back to sleep. DS #2 decided to start teething all 4 teeth on top, all at once last week. So, they are all completely broken and staying through, but I am telling you right now, each morning, you can see that they have come down more out of the gums. I have been his favorite "chew toy" despite pretzel rods, large carrots, frozen or refrigerated teethers or biter biscuits. He will take them, yes, but preferrs mom's arm over anything else given a choice. I finished a Karen Kingsbury book last week. Started a new book my mom gave me called "Legacy Lane" Hart's Crossing series #1 by Robin Lee Hatcher. It is a very short book compared to what I normally read; only 150 pages or so. I expect to be done with it in 1-2 days. Then I am forcing myself to finish reading "Sheparding a Child's Heart". It is not that I don't want to read it, but for the most part, reading is my only escape from the kids, so I enjoy christian fiction. I am finding an extreme need to finsh "Sheparding a Child's Heart" because it is so obveous (particularly with DD) that her heart is the issue at hand when it comes to disobedience. I had only stopped reading it because I was really hoping to get DH to read, but even if he loved to read (which he doesn't, he hates it) he wouldn't have time right now with work and school. So, I will read and fill him in on the details. Isn't that just like a wife, huh? Well, one more thing, then I must go. Kids are getting wild. I sent my DH this beautiful ecard and wrote my own eloquent message. Very heart-felt, very sappy. But I felt God telling me to do this for DH on Friday. So I did. I got "Thanks, that will help me make it thru school tonight." I even felt compelled to put it into nice writing on MS Word and then post it in our room. I did not do this to get a favorable response from him, but i was hoping for more than what I got. I truely meant what I said, and I thought he would have talked to me about it. Guess that's something men really don't do, even if they are excellent hubbies. Hopefully more later today!
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Worship
I believe worship is an integral part of not only a church service, but to our daily lives as well. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful, alto singing voice. I love to sing. At one point in my life, I was singing in an arranged group 6 to 7 days a week, not including practicing in smaller groups or by myself. Worship is awesome. It is key for me to enter into His presence with a right heart and mind. It helps me to leave my troubles and life situations at the door so I can humbly come before Him. I have sang on a number of worship teams in the past, as well as lead worship for a youth group for a time. I could worship for hours at a time without ever realizing it. My problem is this: this world will let you down. The people in it will let you down. The people in this world, no matter how great their relationship is with Christ, can still be used as a tool for Satan without ever knowing it. I have been hurt in the past by some of the pastors and leaders at previous churches that I attended/was a member of. I have not forgiven them. The Lord has brought this to my attention tonight as I am listening to the praise and worship music on Launchcast Radio. I realize that I have developed a bitterness to them for allowing things to happen. It is not their fault, but Satan's. I rebuke you, Satan! I hate you! You are a liar and a thief! God, I pray that you would birth in me forgiveness toward the people in my past that have wounded me. Please send your healing Balm of Gilead to be the salve to these wounds so that I can be healed and move on. Lord, I long to worship you with no cobwebs or dead horses attached. That is too heavy a load for me to carry. Please take it from me now. You alone are worthy of all my praise. You deserve so much more than I can ever offer. Thank you for sending your Son to die for my sins. I am forever grateful. I cannot imagine what that would be like. Take this messed up, trampled heart and forge from it what you see fit for the benefit of your kingdom. I love you, Jesus. Thank you for cultivating this soil in my heart and for continually working our the rocks. I am but a hard lump of clay. Even though I am cracked and dry, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. It's so hard, Lord, to turn off my brain and just focus on you. Please teach me how to do that. Send Your Word to me in ways I am not expecting so that I will see You. It's all about You, my precious Lord Jesus. It is not about me or the music or how anyone looks around me in church. Please help me to remember this and please help me to feel uninhibited to raise my hands again. I know it has been Satan holding me back from lifting my hands in church telling me I cannot because it would be weird or people would look at me. I don't care anymore, Lord. Remind me of this tomorrow morning. Please help me to be the songbird you have created me to be and help me to not worry about what I sound like or if I come in too early. Remind me that NONE of that matters to you, Lord. You don't even care if I can sing a tune in a bucket or not. You just love hearing me sing to you. Help me to do this for Your glory. Amen.
For You on Mother's Day
This is part of an email message that my mom sent to me. I wanted to share it with everyone. Hey! If you got the same story/poem thingy, let me know! If you got another you think I'd like, put it in the comments. (please!) I love the sappy messages we as mothers get for the holidays. I have always given them to my grandmas and my mom. Now I love to receive them. But this one was a little different. This one hit home exactly where it needed to. Thank you to my mother. She is a wonderful lady. I can tell that the Lord directed her to send this particular e-card to me.
A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life. She feared she was wasting her potential being a devoted wife and mother. She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference.
At times she got discouraged because so much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated. "Is it worth it?" she often wondered. "Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?"
It was during these moments of questioning that she heard the still, small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart.
"You are a wife and mother because that is what I have called you to be. Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye.
But I notice.
Most of what you give is done without remuneration.
But I am your reward.
Your husband cannot be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know.
I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.
Your children are precious to Me. Even more precious than they are to you. I have entrusted them to your care to raise for Me. What you invest in them is an offering to Me.
You may never be in the public spotlight, but your obedience shines asd a bright light before Me. Continue On.
Remember you are my servant. Do all to please Me." ~Roy Lessin
23"Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; 24knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23, 24 KJV. Here is that verse in NIV: 23"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life. She feared she was wasting her potential being a devoted wife and mother. She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference.
At times she got discouraged because so much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated. "Is it worth it?" she often wondered. "Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?"
It was during these moments of questioning that she heard the still, small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart.
"You are a wife and mother because that is what I have called you to be. Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye.
But I notice.
Most of what you give is done without remuneration.
But I am your reward.
Your husband cannot be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know.
I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.
Your children are precious to Me. Even more precious than they are to you. I have entrusted them to your care to raise for Me. What you invest in them is an offering to Me.
You may never be in the public spotlight, but your obedience shines asd a bright light before Me. Continue On.
Remember you are my servant. Do all to please Me." ~Roy Lessin
23"Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; 24knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23, 24 KJV. Here is that verse in NIV: 23"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Are you seeking Christ?
Today, I am frustrated with the fact that the website which holds all the blogs for Blogger or Blogspot can't do anything with the trash that is on it. It only took one blogspot for me to become angry. I waited till my dh was out of the room and flagged it. I have half a mind to go back 10 times a day and flag it each time. What's keeping me from doing so? Well, one, I don't wish to see seedy, nastiness. Two, I'm not sure yet if someone flags your account do you know who has flagged it? Or is it anonymous? There's no use in leaving a comment, (even anonymous) about God because I don't think it will do any good. I don't want them to be ticked off with Christians. I feel that God will use someone closer to them or God will prompt their heart to start searching Him. Also, something I've found as I was searching is that there are so many sick people in this world that I can't imagine why God isn't weeping constantly for them. (Maybe He is.) I searched for "christ" in the blog title and also "jesus" and in all the listings (well, I didn't read the pages upon pages, but through the first page's listings of blog names) in all those, there were only TWO that were honestly about what I was looking for = true christianity and people who follow the One True God. All of the rest were mockers. Poor lost souls. It turns my stomach and makes me feel like this world is hopeless. Let me pray for them right now, the one thing I can do: Father God, I come before you now and I ask that you will reveal yourself in a mighty and powerful way to the people who are trashing your name. I pray that you will bring christians accross their path and that they would have to take a second look and ask the person "what's he/she got that I haven't that makes them enjoy life so much?" I pray that you would create in them a genuine need for a Savior, your Son, Jesus Christ. Also I pray that you would bring about a conviction in their hearts from the Holy Spirit. Forgive them, Lord Jesus, and forgive me. I am no more worthy of your forgiveness than they are. Help them to realize that what they are doing will never satisfy them, Lord. It will never make them happy. Only Christ's love and believeing he died for our sins can do that. I love you , Jesus. In your name I pray, Amen.
Just one more thing, I often have been wondering: if people don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, where they communicate with Him, then what in this world are they living for? What gives them the motivation to get up each morning and go through their routine? I'm convinced that deep, deep, deep, down in their heart of hearts that they know that whatever they are living for isn't worth living for. The Bible says everything on earth will pass away. All our worldly possessions, even our family members and friends. Yes, it is sad to think about, unless you know where you are going after this life. I have complete certainty of that, how about you? If not, would you like to? If so, contact me via email at: seeker_4_christ@yahoo.com. If you, like me, are seeking Christ, let me know. I would love to read your blog (if you have one) and I would love to know to what extent you are seeking Him. Comments? Thoughts?
Just one more thing, I often have been wondering: if people don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, where they communicate with Him, then what in this world are they living for? What gives them the motivation to get up each morning and go through their routine? I'm convinced that deep, deep, deep, down in their heart of hearts that they know that whatever they are living for isn't worth living for. The Bible says everything on earth will pass away. All our worldly possessions, even our family members and friends. Yes, it is sad to think about, unless you know where you are going after this life. I have complete certainty of that, how about you? If not, would you like to? If so, contact me via email at: seeker_4_christ@yahoo.com. If you, like me, are seeking Christ, let me know. I would love to read your blog (if you have one) and I would love to know to what extent you are seeking Him. Comments? Thoughts?
Monday, May 08, 2006
Practicing Raising Your Sheild of Faith
The following is from an excerpt from Beth Moore's study book called "Believing God". It was a weekend reading from my daily devotional magazine called "Journey: a Woman's Guide to Intimacy with God". I felt lead to share this on my blogspot to encourage others as Beth has encouraged me. She regularly writes in to the magazine from what I have read. I don't know a lot about her, but I am put to the challenge with everything of hers I've read so far. So Beth writes:
God taught me a specific way to practice taking up me shield of faith. He equipped me with a five-statement pledge of faith that encompasses virtually everything we're challenged to believe. I raise my right arm and hold out my hand like a shield. I then put up my thumb and declare, "God is who He says He is." I add my index finger and proclaim, "God can do what He says He can do." Adding my third finger, I say, "I am who God says I am." With my fourth finger I state, "I can do all things through Christ." My little finger completes the shield as I say, "God's Word is alive and active in me." I put an exclamation mark on the end of my five-statement pledge of faith with the simplest of sign language to the words "I'm believing God." With the index finger of that same hand, I point to my heart and say, "I'm." I point to my forehead and say, "believing" (because faith is always an exercise of the will, not the emotions). Then I point upward toward heaven and say, "God." I practive this exercise in my house by meself, on walks with my dogs, in my work and anywhere else I can get away with it. As I make each statement, I can literally feel supernatural strength building within me. Anytime someone makes fun of me, I have the same thought: "Beloved, I was once the most bound-up, defeated believer you've ever me, and now I'm a walking miracle experiencing the power of God. With all due respect, how's life going for you?" Sometimes God demands radical measures when He wants to bring about radical results. I may look silly, but to the glory of God alone, someting's working. This woman should have been a lost cause. Commit to say, write or think your five-statement pledge of faith repeatedly over the time frame you choose with God. As for me, I think I'll declare it until I die. But even if you only repeat it for a number of weeks, I pray the practive will help you put a new belief in your system.
Please remember that everything in italics was Beth Moore's words and thoughts and ideas. I found them to be awesome and encouraging so I thought I would share them with everyone.
God taught me a specific way to practice taking up me shield of faith. He equipped me with a five-statement pledge of faith that encompasses virtually everything we're challenged to believe. I raise my right arm and hold out my hand like a shield. I then put up my thumb and declare, "God is who He says He is." I add my index finger and proclaim, "God can do what He says He can do." Adding my third finger, I say, "I am who God says I am." With my fourth finger I state, "I can do all things through Christ." My little finger completes the shield as I say, "God's Word is alive and active in me." I put an exclamation mark on the end of my five-statement pledge of faith with the simplest of sign language to the words "I'm believing God." With the index finger of that same hand, I point to my heart and say, "I'm." I point to my forehead and say, "believing" (because faith is always an exercise of the will, not the emotions). Then I point upward toward heaven and say, "God." I practive this exercise in my house by meself, on walks with my dogs, in my work and anywhere else I can get away with it. As I make each statement, I can literally feel supernatural strength building within me. Anytime someone makes fun of me, I have the same thought: "Beloved, I was once the most bound-up, defeated believer you've ever me, and now I'm a walking miracle experiencing the power of God. With all due respect, how's life going for you?" Sometimes God demands radical measures when He wants to bring about radical results. I may look silly, but to the glory of God alone, someting's working. This woman should have been a lost cause. Commit to say, write or think your five-statement pledge of faith repeatedly over the time frame you choose with God. As for me, I think I'll declare it until I die. But even if you only repeat it for a number of weeks, I pray the practive will help you put a new belief in your system.
Please remember that everything in italics was Beth Moore's words and thoughts and ideas. I found them to be awesome and encouraging so I thought I would share them with everyone.
The following is a message I received from the Lord on Sunday, May 7th 2006.
MOPS
I feel the need to start a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group here in the ***** area. I don’t know much about MOPS. Mostly that it gives moms a break and is Christ-centered. I don’t care if it is me that runs the group. Doesn’t matter who; I just feel it pressed upon my heart to check into this. The closest MOPS is currently about 20 minutes from here. I know the economy is currently @ 11.5% unemployment rate in the greater *town area. That’s 4.5% higher than the national average. I was reading the book “Celebrate Home: Encouragement and Tips for Stay-at-Home parents” by Angie Peters and, in the back, it listed several websites. MOPS was one of them. I had already spoken with my sister-in-law about a month ago regarding locations near me. Well, add the distance plus the fact that gas is nearly $3.00 per gallon and for me, especially with one vehicle to share with my husband, that makes it almost impossible to go.
Today, as I was worshipping in church, I felt the Lord God tell me to pray for 30 days (until June 7th) about starting a MOPS in this area. He told me to sit down with my husband each night before bed and pray about it. He said “Do not miss one day or you will not know.” As I am sitting here writing this, I think there’s no way I could do this because I think sometimes my life really stinks right now and I get depressed. He reminds me that He used David to fight Goliath and that my life isn’t that bad, that I only think so because I get caught up in my situation when things don’t go according to myself and I take my eyes off Him. He hugs me and says, “I love you. Keep looking to me. Talk to me when you feel discouraged and I will cheer you. You must give me your burdens and stop carrying them yourself. You weren’t made to take these things upon your shoulders. I Love You. You are my dear child and I long to help you if you will only let me. I’m going to use you soon in a mighty and powerful way beyond your wildest dreams and far beyond anything you can come up with. You must turn to me each day. You must not worry how things will come together or when. This is my agenda and I will do them how and when I please according to my will. Keep your eyes and your focus on me because I am going to do a work in you. This is my desire. I care for you.” ~ Jesus
One problem: I have to admit that dh and I both forgot last night. As soon as I woke up today, I really wanted to die. I had let God down. I had failed. I yelled at dh. He said, "God knew this would happen. And yet, He still saw it fit to tell you." I feel in my heart that the main reason God told me to pray with dh on this is to get us together to pray consistently. I know that tonight we will not miss. There is no way. But I can tell you that I now know what it means to pray continually. I have been doing this since I received the word yesterday afternoon. I still have that dooming feeling of failure, but I know that is just Satan trying to get my to give up. I will not do this. Just because we don't do exactly what God has asked I know that He can still use me and work through me. It doesn't mean that He will definately move on. Also, a note on the "30 days/June 7th" thing. I counted and realized that between May 7th and June 7th there are 32 days. Didn't realize this until this morning. Perhaps this was God's intention. With Him having the Master Plan, perhaps with Him knowing that I would screw up the first night, He added 2 extra calendar days. We shall see....I feel like I cheated myself out of part of a blessing similar to sneaking and opening a Christmas present behind your parent's back. (No, mom, I never did this, but I can imagine what it would feel like). So, now it's not quite so special, but I will still get it. Will that be the case, only the Lord knows right now. I'll find out on June 7th.
Now, if I get absolutely nothing besides a renewed heart, mind, spirit from this; even if nothing works out; I will have walked away a winner. You want to know why? The Lord God has rekindled my passion. This has been gone for a very long time. I have been hurt by people in the church (maybe more on that at some point) quite a bit and this has caused a bitterness to grow inside me that I can honestly say I no longer feel. Praise the Lord! He is worthy of our praise and on the move in my life!!!!! :D
MOPS
I feel the need to start a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group here in the ***** area. I don’t know much about MOPS. Mostly that it gives moms a break and is Christ-centered. I don’t care if it is me that runs the group. Doesn’t matter who; I just feel it pressed upon my heart to check into this. The closest MOPS is currently about 20 minutes from here. I know the economy is currently @ 11.5% unemployment rate in the greater *town area. That’s 4.5% higher than the national average. I was reading the book “Celebrate Home: Encouragement and Tips for Stay-at-Home parents” by Angie Peters and, in the back, it listed several websites. MOPS was one of them. I had already spoken with my sister-in-law about a month ago regarding locations near me. Well, add the distance plus the fact that gas is nearly $3.00 per gallon and for me, especially with one vehicle to share with my husband, that makes it almost impossible to go.
Today, as I was worshipping in church, I felt the Lord God tell me to pray for 30 days (until June 7th) about starting a MOPS in this area. He told me to sit down with my husband each night before bed and pray about it. He said “Do not miss one day or you will not know.” As I am sitting here writing this, I think there’s no way I could do this because I think sometimes my life really stinks right now and I get depressed. He reminds me that He used David to fight Goliath and that my life isn’t that bad, that I only think so because I get caught up in my situation when things don’t go according to myself and I take my eyes off Him. He hugs me and says, “I love you. Keep looking to me. Talk to me when you feel discouraged and I will cheer you. You must give me your burdens and stop carrying them yourself. You weren’t made to take these things upon your shoulders. I Love You. You are my dear child and I long to help you if you will only let me. I’m going to use you soon in a mighty and powerful way beyond your wildest dreams and far beyond anything you can come up with. You must turn to me each day. You must not worry how things will come together or when. This is my agenda and I will do them how and when I please according to my will. Keep your eyes and your focus on me because I am going to do a work in you. This is my desire. I care for you.” ~ Jesus
One problem: I have to admit that dh and I both forgot last night. As soon as I woke up today, I really wanted to die. I had let God down. I had failed. I yelled at dh. He said, "God knew this would happen. And yet, He still saw it fit to tell you." I feel in my heart that the main reason God told me to pray with dh on this is to get us together to pray consistently. I know that tonight we will not miss. There is no way. But I can tell you that I now know what it means to pray continually. I have been doing this since I received the word yesterday afternoon. I still have that dooming feeling of failure, but I know that is just Satan trying to get my to give up. I will not do this. Just because we don't do exactly what God has asked I know that He can still use me and work through me. It doesn't mean that He will definately move on. Also, a note on the "30 days/June 7th" thing. I counted and realized that between May 7th and June 7th there are 32 days. Didn't realize this until this morning. Perhaps this was God's intention. With Him having the Master Plan, perhaps with Him knowing that I would screw up the first night, He added 2 extra calendar days. We shall see....I feel like I cheated myself out of part of a blessing similar to sneaking and opening a Christmas present behind your parent's back. (No, mom, I never did this, but I can imagine what it would feel like). So, now it's not quite so special, but I will still get it. Will that be the case, only the Lord knows right now. I'll find out on June 7th.
Now, if I get absolutely nothing besides a renewed heart, mind, spirit from this; even if nothing works out; I will have walked away a winner. You want to know why? The Lord God has rekindled my passion. This has been gone for a very long time. I have been hurt by people in the church (maybe more on that at some point) quite a bit and this has caused a bitterness to grow inside me that I can honestly say I no longer feel. Praise the Lord! He is worthy of our praise and on the move in my life!!!!! :D
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Darkness
I am quite sad today. My marriage, I believe, is under great spiritual attack. I feel like I know why, but I cannot say because this place is too public with too many people viewing. My family doesn't appreciate me and what I do for them. I so don't want to do this life anymore, but it's the only life I know and I feel like I would be lost without them. Everything I do from sun up past sun down is for and revolves around my family. I am grateful for the opportunity most of the time, but right now I feel so burnt out. Maybe things will balance out after dh finishes school. But 2 years away may as well be 2,000. I don't know why my dh puts up with my moodiness. I can't stand to be around myself lately. Something happened to me about 3 1/2 years ago that tore me to shreds emotionally and God showed me that that is at the heart of the problems in my marriage. I am continually being dragged through the mud that is this situation and it affects my attitude, decisions, and how I deal with everyone on a daily basis. The problem is that God told me that I needed to let it go. It is too big of a burden for me to carry. But, God, I say, the hurt and pain is still there as if it happened yesterday. I just don't know how to get over it. I do not believe I have the skills or knowledge on how to let go. No matter that I have been churched all my life, I just can't figure out how to do it. It's not that I choose to dwell on it. Satan brings it before me continually and I do not know how to battle him on that subject. Satan knows this so he keeps doing it. I really need a mentor, so badly, if anyone ever reads this, please pray for me, although you may not know me, that I would find a mentor. I long for someone to talk to about life issues as well as regular day to day stuff. I thought yesterday I may not even do this blogging thing anymore. Now I can hardly stop as it is a place to work through things.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
sickness
To all those who are hanging on my every word (yeah, right!) My ds#1 and ds#2 are STILL sick!!!! ARGH!!! UGH!!!! I am so frustrated! And bone weary! I let ds#2 have a dime size did you get that DIME size amout of pork roast last night at dinner. 3 hours later, he was throwing up the contents of the entire day. (I will spare you the details). So, I thought, 'well, I guess his lil tummy wasn't ready after all. Guess I'll have to go back to the BRAT diet.' Then, this afternoon, ds#1 was acting a lot better (save the diarrhea ~ we'll get to some of that in a moment...) so, I thought he could have one pkg of fruit snacks. How WRONG was I? Not even 2 hours later up it comes! Waaaa! Waaaa! I can't take it anymore! I know the Lord knows this. I shall try very hard to take comfort in that. So, after just recently returning from the laundrymat today and doing 18 (no lie) loads of laundry (just got $ today...we were just a little behind in laundry, don't ya think?) anyways, so I just had to run another 1/2 load b/c of what was just soiled. I'm tired. Please forgive me for not updating this as much as I'd like to. Last night, I was up until 3 am helping dh with English. One important thing, then I must go: Yest. ds#1 was complaining that his bum was hot like his fafa (blanky) when it comes out of the dryer. which is kind of cute, but very painful to him. he thought that there was a diaper rash but there isn't. My dh and I tried tons of different things. Then, the Lord spoke to me and told me to use Lansinoh cream (the internet said something about lanolin, and God said "hey, that's Lansinoh, and you have some of that in your top dresser drawer." So, we started applying that liberally and that helped quite a bit, but he still wailed from the pain. It is so sad to hear and see your 2 yr old writhing in pain and you can't do anything. :( So then dh mom sd try cornstarch. So, I put lansinoh on then cornstarch. working wonders for both boys! ds#1 doesn't even realize when he has a poopy and his bum is protected by the lansinoh. we still check very often, though. One more thing God told me to do to help him with his pain: have him squeeze mommys hand, or arm or a stuffed animal. God told me that it would defer his attention and it wouldn't hurt me and it would allow him to vent out his pain. God is good! Even in the midst of sickness. ps any suggestions would be welcome on how to deal with this stuff.
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